Beginning Again

It's christmas break, having ended my 5th semester in college, and I've spent 95% of my time since then in my house. Most of my friends are at least an hour away and I am, to my detriment, without a driver's license. I didn't have it taken from me. I still have my permit, which I have renewed 3 times. I'm still afraid to drive, still afraid that I'm sure to end up in a wreck where I kill everyone and injure myself beyond repair, causing my family to pay money they don't have to those I took loved ones from. Now, is this a rational fear? Well, remotely.

Historically, I lost 3 friends within a week of each other to separate accidents. I was 15. These same accidents have, however, not impeded my little brother. He is a fantastic driver, which also makes me think that I have to make up for all the good driving in this family by being a distinctly poor one. The balance must be restored, no?

I have left myself without a license and left myself without a means to really escape my home. Undoubtedly, if I did drive and had a car, I would be out and about every day. I'd be the inconsiderate human that would dig my carbon footprint into the environment, just driving from boredom. I'd frequent shops I may/ may not buy anything from and I would surprise my friends, even those that live an hour out from me. Oh, how green the grass on the other side of my fear.